Need Batteries!!

It's almost Halloween!! I've very excited, primarily for my son, he is like, extatic!! I've always really loved Halloween, though I haven't been much into it this year only because I just really haven't had the time. He gets so excited over every Halloween decoration or pumpkin or anything he sees, it's great. We still haven't bought pumpkins, and we need to, I've just been busy. I can't wait to carve them with him though, he'll totally dig it. He's dressing up as Curious George and he's so excited. I can't wait to take him Trick-or-Treating.

I'm currently very happy with my relationships.. though I'm still very confused and will probably remain that way for a long, long time, I've at least decided to be happy. I realize that the things that tend to bother me are so unbelievably pointless. Everything that I tend to take the wrong way was by all means not meant the wrong way. Soooo basically I don't know if I just have a little bit more growing up to do or what, but things are just different and I am still grasping them.

I'm really, really, REALLY sick of not being able to do laundry at my own house, but after last week I seriously might not EVER attempt it again.

Ummm so yeah that's it for now, I have to go get my youngin!! :)

Splish Splash

I can't quite figure out much about relationships right now. I can't figure out if I just expect too much or what the hell is going on. I don't know if I'm like unknowingly comparing everything to past relationships... or what. It's so frustrating because I don't want to cross any lines or come across to strong or whatever, but damnit, I just need... MORE. Is it bad that I'm only 23 and I've already given up on men?? I mean I definitely know there are some good ones out there, even great ones maybe, but I'm pretty sure they're all taken. I just don't think I'll find the right one because I just don't really believe he even exists. Part of me thinks that you have to create the right one, that you have to find a decent one and then mold him into someone you can be happy with and who makes you happy in return. I don't really expect too much for someone to come along like, all perfect and what not. But sometimes I can't help but wonder if there really is such a thing as a soulmate, and even if there is, how the hell do you know when you've found him?? It's just so frustrating to me. I'm not afraid to be alone or anything like that, but I guess I'm starting to realize that I just don't prefer it. And right now I'm technically not alone, but sometimes it just feels like it. I apparently have completely different views on things than other people do? Part of me feels like I just need to get over it and stop like bitching and complaining, which is really easier said than done... but I'm definitely working on it.

So. I moved into my place about two months ago or something, and a friend of mine helped me. He's really turned out to be someone I can count on way more than I ever expected, and always has good intentions, though sometimes he just... screws up a lot. He hooked my washer up for me when he was helping me move, and I haven't even used it since.

Until tonight.

When I realized that the hose wasn't connected to the back of the washer thanks to the small lake that was occuping my kitchen floor. It was AWFUL. I mean a whole entire washer full of water... all standing about two inches deep in my kitchen floor. My toddler, now thinking it's like Christmas because of the new pool, is having a blast but continually slipping and falling and hurting himself. I came pretty close to a breakdown. But hell, I've been meaning to mop anyway, eh??

And speaking of my toddler, he is AMAZING. The things he says and does absolutely blow my mind. I can't even describe it. I by all means never want to be that parent that is so sure that their child is smarter than any other child, but I definitely know he's smarter than the average bear. He can spell his name.. he's TWO. And not like, late in his second year, but just turned two in August. He remembers more than I do, asks me the craziest questions, and figures out everything that I never would have thought he could. I'm extremely thankful for him, even when he's turned into Mr. Attitude and won't say a single nice word.

So yeah...

My texting soul needs a new phone.

Who Are You To Talk?!

Ugh. I don't get it. Why would you want to bring someone down?? I try so fucking hard, all the damn time. It gets so old after a while, ya know? I mean give me a fucking break. I'm a single mom, and I do this shit all on my own. I don't get ANYTHING from my baby daddy, nothing. I do it all for my son. So why in the hell would someone tell me they can take better care of him than me?? NOBODY can take better care of him than me. I work my ass off for him. I buy every diaper, every meal, every bit of winter clothing, I buy it all. I buy the cool toys he wants and the halloween costume he wants and I work fifty fucking hours a week to do it. But that doesn't seem to count for shit to anybody, does it? Ugh this is just so frustrating, coming from anyone else it wouldn't even phase me nearly as much but coming from one person in particular it's entirely too harsh. I KNOW that my son would rather be with me than anyone else. I would rather be with him than anyone else but what the hell am I not supposed to work and do what I can to make sure he has a place to call home?! And what the hell was done for me that was so damn great? I know I can take better care of my son than anyone else because of all the mistakes I was fucking able to learn from, and I will never, EVER put him through those things.

Loco

Ok so it's like the weirdest thing ever. There have been like, three seperate occasions in the past week where I have really had baby fever. I can't figure this out because up until the past week I have been hard core "no more." I tend to sit and analyze why I could possibly even be thinking about this, and I have yet to figure it out. It's not something I want NOW, I'm completely aware of that... just something that I actually think I want in general. I'm having such a hard time with just one right now! Not that there is any problem at all with him, it's just hard doing it all by myself, I would give anything for a little help from his daddy at this point! I'm pretty aware it's not going to happen though, and my expectations are rational.

Yeah so that's really all I had to get off my mind.

:)